Explain Your Skills Badly:

Utilizing limited resources to create impressively enormous messes. Tripping into mystery liquids. Eating watermelons that are bigger than my head. Bringing up jokes from ten years ago.

Favorite Cat:

Mayor Stubbs of Talkeetna, Alaska.

Favorite Made-up Holiday:

National “Oops, PBS Kids Accidentally Played Texas Chainsaw Massacre instead of Caillou Again” Day

Popular Show That You Hate:

The medical malpractice in House infuriates me.

Aliases/Titles:

Saint Onion, Patron of the Stupid. Don Santos. Big Sir.

Chloe, I guess.