The following is a transcript of (actual) events that took place some time between December 26th and January 2nd.

By: Grt

[DUSK a CRUSTY LAS VEGAS PARKING LOT, GARRETT, a squat messy-haired manchild wearing a stained hoodie and cargo shorts, paces back and forth looking at his PHONE]

GARRETT [SMS]: there is a liquor store in the parking lot.

(ok emoji)

[Int. PLANE – BISHOP, a large beastly human in a cat t-shirt and plaid slacks holding a phone that is tiny in his massive hands. He is pressed into an economy class middle seat between a college professor and an unhappy middle aged woman]

5:30 pm

BISHOP [SMS]: I FORGOT MY WHITE NOISE GENERATOR FUCK

6:13 pm

BISHOP [SMS]: finally got some red wine up in this bitch

7:00 pm

[Int. HOJO Hotel ROOM, GARRETT asleep on one of two queen sized beds. Harry Potter is loudly complaining on the television. 3 glass bottles of Trash Beer sit in a trash can full of water]

8:00 pm

[BISHOP enters the cramped room by swinging open the door too hard, bouncing it off of the doorstop with a loud bang, awakening GARRETT]

GARRETT: there is beer and ice in the trash can

[Int. New model sedan driven by LYFT DRIVER, an actual hyena in a sweater vest. GARRETT and BISHOP sit in the back seat wearing the same clothes as earlier. GARRETT is barely conscious. Heading to ACAB SUSHI]

8:45 pm

LYFT DRIVER: GET SOME COCAINE

8:46 pm

LYFT DRIVER: I WANT TO FUCK AN AMAZON

8:47 pm

LYFT DRIVER: I WANT TO FUCK A MIDGET

8:48 pm

LYFT DRIVER: FOR REAL I WANT TO FUCK A MIDGET

8:49 pm

LYFT DRIVER: NOT A DWARF THEY HAVE WEIRD ADULT HEADS AND LIKE WEIRD BABY DICKS I WANT A MIDGET I’M GOING TO WILD
WILD ON THAT BITCH

[Int. ACAB SUSHI a small sushi restaurant with overly bright lights and cheery signs. GARRETT and BISHOP are sweating profusely]

• 

• 

9:30 pm

BISHOP: SALMON SKIN ROLL

BISHOP: SAKE NIGIRI

GARRETT: [Excited] 2

BISHOP: TUNA NIGIRI

GARRETT:[Excited] 2

BISHOP: EEL NIGIRI

GARRETT: [Excited] 2

BISHOP: YELLOWTAIL NIGIRI

GARRETT: [Excited] 2

BISHOP: SNAPPER NIGIRI

GARRETT: [Excited] 2

BISHOP: WHITE TUNA NIGIRI

GARRETT: [Excited] 2

BISHOP: SWEET SHRIMP NIGIRI

GARRETT: [Excited] 2

BISHOP: EBI FRI

GARRETT: [Exited] 2

[continues]

BISHOP: BEER

GARRETT: [Excited] 2

10:00 pm

[Int. Grey Subaru with cream leather interior driven by ANOTHER LYFT DRIVER, nice, but probably oversharing. GARRETT and BISHOP sit in the back seat, cheerful from eating an exorbitant amount of sushi. The Subaru is headed to CASINO]

LYFT DRIVER: I don’t eat out, they don’t like to serve sad lonely people like me

GARRETT: …

BISHOP: …

10:15 pm

[Int. EXCALIBER CASINO]

GARRETT: [points stage right] pai gao is full and that guy is playing two hands

10:30 pm

[Int. NYNY CASINO]

BISHOP: [points stage left] pai gao is full and that guy is playing two hands

10:45 pm

[MGM GRAND CASINO]

GARRETT: [points stage right] THERE IS ONE OPEN PAI GAO SEAT BUT ALSO THAT GUY IS PLAYING TWO HANDS

BISHOP: fuck that guy

11:00 pm

BISHOP: [holding a receipt in his meaty bear paw, waving a single shot of middle-shelf whiskey] uhh, those drinks were 40 dollars.

GARRETT: ;_;

11:15 pm

[Int TROPICANA CASINO]

BISHOP: [thows up arms exasperatedly, startling two elderly ladies walking by] yeah it is full, maybe we should have drinks at a bar and wait

12:00 am

[Four empty glasses crowd the bar around BISHOP]

BISHOP: still full

12:45 am

[Int. EXCALIBER (AGAIN)]

[Int. NYNY (AGAIN)]

[LUXOR CASINO]

GARRETT: …

BISHOP: …

1:00 am

[Int. MANDALAY BAY]

BISHOP: OK. I’ll play at the one empty seat and try to befriend Two Hands Guy and ask him to stop

[BISHOP sits down at table and starts talking to people at the table. GARRETT IMMEDIATELY WANDERS OFF]

1:45 am

[BISHOP is REUNITED with GARRETT in a pit of flashing video poker machines. The noise is physically assaulting]

BISHOP: [shouting over the din] where the fuck did you go, I only played like two hands, that is a 25$ table

GARRETT: [also shouting] I should really learn video poker

BISHOP: [looking around] this place sucks

2:00 am

[Int. MONORAIL, a dirty public transportation box that smells strongly of urine. BISHOP and GARRETT stand awkwardly with NATALIE BROWN, PROSTITUTE. She looks friendly her pants are more ripped up than you would expect in January and the heels on her shoes are very high]

NATALIE: where are you guys staying?

GARRETT: the howard johnson lol

NATALIE: [suddenly] that is right there, lets go. I am a stripper

GARRETT: no that sounds weird and uncomfortable, we are wacky

NATALIE: I like wacky

BISHOP: for real we are just going to tell you jokes and cry

GARRETT: (changing the subject) do you like pai gow?

NATALIE: no gambling. if you come with me I guarantee you will

jackpot

GARRETT: …

BISHOP: …

NATALIE: you’ll get your dick sucked

GARRETT: [to BISHOP] I don’t think this woman is a stripper

BISHOP: is Natalie your stripper name?

NATALIE: my stripper name is CALIENTE

GARRETT: where do you work? maybe we will go there

NATALIE: just freelance

GARRETT: …

BISHOP: …

BISHOP: [whispering] she is not a stripper

[MONORAIL slows to a stop]

GARRETT: [politely] Do you have a card? what’s your number?
GARRETT:[mistakenly very impolite, also drunk] we’ll call if we get bored

NATALIE: [sulks angrily] …

2:05 am

[Int. EXCALIBER CASINO]

BISHOP: oh Two Hands Guy, I fucking love that guy

2:15 am

[Ext. EXCALIBER CASINO on the street, BISHOP and GARRETT see NATALIE]

GARRETT: Oh, hi,

BISHOP: HELLO STRANGER

NATALIE: [STILL ANGRY] …

2:20 am

[Int. TROPICANNA]

GARRETT: it is the the exact same 5 people, thank god we didn’t try to wait

BISHOP: yeah, how else would we have met Natalie

2:30 am

[Int. HOOTERS CASINO, exactly like a Hooters Restaurant but with gambling]

GARRETT: this place is very sad

2:35 am

[STRANGE FUCKING PARKING LOT. BISHOP and GARRETT stand confused, staring over the top of a large fence at their hotel in the background]

GARRETT: lets jump this fence

BISHOP: our ankles and hands will get fucked up, do not do that

GARRETT: [has wild look in his eye] lets jump this fence

BISHOP: lets walk north

2:45 am

BISHOP: lets walks south?

2:50 am

[Int. HOJO HOTEL ROOM, bedding and clothing is scattered around the small space with empty beer bottles lining every flat surface. BISHOP and GARRETT regroup and complain, drink more beers (that don’t cost 10$)]

GARRETT: HARRAHS FUCK

3:15 am

[Brief LYFT cutscene to HARRAHS]

BISHOP: there are 5 tables here

GARRETT: finally

BISHOP: finally

3:20 am

GARRETT: [speaking through gritted teeth to sound tough] whiskey ginger

BISHOP: whiskey soda

3:40 am

GARRETT: [overly friendly] whiskey ginger

BISHOP: whiskey soda

4:00 am

GARRETT: [confused] scotch?

BISHOP: whiskey soda

4:05 am

GARRETT: STACY

BISHOP: STACY

OLD MAN FRIEND AT TABLE: STACY

KINDA HOT OLDER LADY FRIEND AT TABLE: STACY

STACY: [at another poker table] …?

4:20 am

GARRETT: [defeated] whiskey ginger

BISHOP: whiskey soda

4:40 am

GARRETT: whiskey ginger

BISHOP: whiskey soda

4:45 am

[BISHOP and GARRETT confusedly pawing at their pockets, out of fucking money]

5:30 am

[Int. HASH HOUSE, a hash house-themed hash house inside of HARRAHS. GARRETT and BISHOP sit at a table piled high with diner foods. GARRETT gets up to use the restroom 4 or 5 times. hotel cleaning service makes the walk to the bathroom is an ordeal]

SECURITY GUARD: NO RUNNING IN THE CASINO

6:00 am

[Ext. HARRAHS, GARRETT and BISHOP are waiting for their LYFT. GARRETT dunks the fresh leftovers in the garbage, he will regret this]

6:15 am

[Int. HOJO HOTEL ROOM the sun is up and peeking through the curtains, BISHOP and GARRETT are in bed]